Hello M’dear –

I always see your posts about your weight loss success and I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I’ve always had a bad relationship with food – I have no self control when it comes to it. Whenever I want to get healthy, I stick to it for a month or so, and then right back to my bad habits. I have lots of friends who eat healthy, but it’s difficult to get advice from someone for whom healthy eating comes easily, as opposed to a constant battle. I really want to make some serious, long term changes – lifestyle changes.

Any advice? Are there any support groups or online resources that you’ve found really helpful?

I really appreciate any advice you can give. And as always, congrats on your success thus far, and I hope it continues!

Hugs,
Me

Didn’t you see the posts about the 40 pounds I re-gained in 2011???

Not Pretty.

I’m not sure I’m an expert on this topic. It is a constant battle for me, too.

I could blame it all on the hives, and sometimes I do in order to give myself a fresh start and a clean slate, but the truth is that I got complacent with my pouch.

But, I did manage to keep off 70 of the 115 pounds that I lost, and I’m losing weight again, so I guess that I do have some wisdom to share.

I advertise when I make healthy choices, because the encouragement helps fuel me for the next battle. Every time I order a meal, or go to cook at home, or go to the grocery store, I struggle. If you can somehow make your weight loss efforts public, people will hold you accountable. You need to make sure that it’s an environment where you feel safe, but get the maximum amount of accountability that you feel comfortable with. An anonymous blog, a blog with your name on it, Facebook, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Livestrong.com, SparkPeople.com, anywhere that you can get out there and share your struggle with others. I’ve got Facebook and this blog.

Try to accept that EVERYONE falls off the wagon. EVERYONE. The trick is not to allow a couple of bad days (or weeks) give you permission to continue bad habits for months. If you can be good for a month, bad for a week, good for a month, bad for two weeks, good again etc, you’re going to lose weight or at the very least stop gaining. The self-shaming when we fail needs to be eliminated to ensure long term success. Because you will fall down and eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s once in a while. And that’s okay. Have a salad tomorrow! If you consistently try, you will win more than you fail, and that’s better than a life of complacency.

This one is probably the hardest to accept. People with weight problems consistently lie to themselves about what they eat, why they eat, how much and how often. You may or may not be at the point where you are conscious of your justifications or snacktime-amnesia. There is a whole spectrum of denial from the 500 pound people who cry, insisting they’re trying their hardest, to the skinny 120 pound lady who can’t figure out why they gained 5 pounds after that 7 day cruise. “After all, we went hiking!” Yeah, but you also visited the midnight chocolate buffet, and had many margaritas on the Lido deck. You need to try to push yourself to be completely honest with yourself. If you’re hungry because you’re bored, have a TINY healthy snack, but then find something to do and acknowledge your thought process. Transparency, objective and consistent measurement, and accountability will lead to self-honesty.

I don't drink beer or watch football. Maybe that's the key?'

They say not to eat infront of the TV, but my TV is always on. So, if I’m home, I’m eating infront of the TV. Take that for what it’s worth, I guess.

Calorie counting is key. All of those crazy diet programs that have long-term success are ultimately based on calorie intake. Low carbs and high protein is a pretty good formula, but mainly because protein keeps you full longer, and tends to be lower in calories as long as it’s lean. I use Thedailyplate.com (A Livestrong Product). It’s user-maintained, kind of like wikipedia, so it has almost every food. And if your food isn’t there, you can add it. You can track fitness here, and it will calculate how many calories should be your limit. I suggest setting your profile to “Sedentary” regardless of how active you think you are, and to lose no more than 1.5 pounds per week. You want to make it as easy to succeed as possible. You can track fitness here too, but I suggest if you do that and want to be able to eat those burned calories, you should set your calorie limit to losing 2 pounds per week. I’m not 100% confident in the accuracy of their fitness calories burned. The iPhone app has some bugs right now, but it’s functional, cheap, and easy to use. It crashes a lot. They’ll fix it though, it used to be great but the interface wasn’t as nice. A mobile app is important so you can get into the habit of logging exactly what you eat either right before, or right after, no matter where you are. Calorie counting is another thing you will fail at. But get back on the horse consistently, and eventually it will become routine.

One of the biggest ways we lie to ourselves and undermine success is by forgetting to count condiment and beverage calories. Alcohol, ranch dressing, mayonnaise, honey mustard, butter, jelly….these all have some serious calories. You’ve got to count them. A couple of margaritas is my ENTIRE DAILY INTAKE LIMIT.

You're a jerk, delicious margarita, for being about 600 calories each.

The only way to count calories accurately is to measure by weight and volume. Buy a little kitchen scale and use it until you’re able to accurately guess how many ounces something is, and weighing gets you within a half-ounce.

One of the greatest things I’ve ever heard is (paraphrasing) “It took you your whole life to get this fat. And you have the rest of your life to become who you want to be.” You need to make long-term choices for long-term success, but acknowledge that the battle is never going to end. I guess the idea is to try to downgrade your World War with food into more of a “police action.”

Portion size is incredibly difficult to manage independently. Measuring will be a great defense against over-eating. If you have to account for everything, and you have accurate measurements, you’ll opt for lower calorie foods when you feel like you need “more” food. However, if you can reduce your stomach size and actually require less volume, that would be huge. There are a couple ways to imitate the type of restriction that Weight Loss Surgery offers without actually having surgery. Since they are are less extreme, they’re also going to have less extreme results.

I LOVE THE FULL BITES/BARS PRODUCTS!

The BeFull Solution Products

I don’t know if their “system” works. I haven’t tried it. But when I feel like I just can’t get enough food, I crack into a bag of their cheddar Full Bites. They’re delicious, and have 8 grams of protein per bag. Their chocolate protein shakes are good and low calorie, and 15 grams of protein each. The full bars are vaguely reminiscent of flavored and pressed packing peanuts, but I actually like them a lot. Follow the directions and consume with a big glass of pure water, and you’ll be full in no time.

My cafeteria at my new job allows me to buy food by weight, which is a GREAT IDEA for anyone who has had weight loss surgery. You spend less money, and there’s no “clean your plate” guilt when when your plate is actually only a cup (and a half) of food instead of the massive cafeteria-dictated portions of a big sandwich or something. I don’t recommend this method for non-surgical people with self control issues. Pre-portioned meals are your friend.

I’m pretty sure that the 5 Day Pouch Test would work for people who haven’t had WLS. Basically you follow a protein-only diet similar to that which people follow after WLS, but abbreviated into 5 days. Start with protein shakes and clear liquids, then mush, then soft solids, and then solids. The liquids you can have as much as you want, but no more than a cup of anything remotely solid at a time. Your stomach WILL shrink, just like being very sick and not being able to eat and then finding when you’re healthy you eat less. I should probably advise you to check with your doctor before doing this, but…we’re all adults here.

And then finally, the piece of advice that I know you know already — Get active. The common theme throughout 2011 was that I was sedentary. Both because I chose not to be active and also because for a time I wasn’t able to be active. Personal training is amazing, if you can afford it. I hate the dance class stuff, like Zumba, but many of my friends SWEAR by it, and they’re smart people. So, give it a try if you’re so inclined. I love Dance Dance Revolution and I’m probably going to play as soon as I’m done writing this post. If you can manage to do an hour of cardio at the gym and then 20 minutes of weight/resistance training 2-4 times per week, you will lose weight. If you don’t know how to weight train, find a friend who can show you. If you’re not intimidated by the gym staff, they’ll show you. I know that I found that to be an impossible task, though, when I first started gymming. As soon as it gets warm out again, I’m going to start doing the Couch to 5K program again, but this time, outside. I discovered that everyone was right. Running outside is way easier than on the treadmill.

And I think that’s the sum-total of my knowledge. Do I do all of these things all the time? Of course not! But I strive to do most of these things, most of the time, and I think the net result will be a win. I’ll keep everyone posted.

I gained a couple more pounds after my last post and got up to 213.8 at my highest weight since losing the 115 pounds. Today, only 2 weeks later, I am 209.4. Let’s zoom in on the very end of the weight chart I put in the beginning of this blog.

That's a lot better.

You might notice I didn’t track the 213.8. I was ashamed. This was a failure to hold myself accountable. I will lose many more battles along my journey. And that’s okay!

Because I know I will win the war.

A lot has happened since my last post.

I’ll start with the most exciting news:

I’m cured.

Well, not cured, exactly. Effectively treated is more likely. Chances are that the hives would come back if I discontinued treatment. But basically, I must have been assigned the drug (rather than the placebo) in the clinical trial. They gave me the injections on Wednesday, and by Saturday I was hive-free. Merry Christmas to me. :)

I’m going to have to figure out exactly how I’m going to get this drug after the clinical trial is over. It is extremely expensive. Between 1 and 3k per dose. Insurance won’t cover it, since it’s not FDA approved for hives. If anyone has any ideas, I’d appreciate it. Letter-writing is in my future.

But…this means I’m back to the gym! The last two days I’ve done an hour on the elliptical and been weight training. I pounded my first protein shake in a LONG time after today’s workout. I’m probably going to be a sad, sore girl tomorrow. But it feels so good to be back to my life.

I ended up packing on a disgusting 40 pounds since April. I managed to maintain over the holidays, which is good, but I’m pretty perturbed about today’s weigh in. 210.6 pounds. But if I can keep hitting the gym this hard, I’ll be back to myself in no time. The goal is 170. My lowest weight was either 171 or 172. I don’t recall which.

I’ve got to focus on protein and cut out the sugary beverages in order to sustain success. My portion sizes have remained pretty small, but I need to watch what I’m putting in my pouch, and how often I’m eating. Gymming has also meant less boredom and less appetite, so I’m beside myself with joy at my ability to work out without fear of hives.

Weight Watchers was a complete fail for me. I gained 10 pounds chowing down on all that fruit on top of what I would eat anyway. I’m back to calorie counting, and trying to significantly increase my pure water intake. I’m not doing super great with either of those things yet, but it’s a process. The gym is a massive step in the right direction.

The other exciting news: I got a new job. I start on Tuesday.

I had taken a leave of absence from work to try and take care of my hives. I couldn’t bring myself to return. If I wasn’t about to find the answer to my hives, I couldn’t condemn myself to a 50 hour a week job anymore. I believe that they are on their way to becoming the best possible company they can be, but it just wasn’t a good fit for me anymore. I need to focus on my health, and school. I need money and I need free time. My company wasn’t giving me enough of either of those. So: it was time to go. Maybe I’ll be back someday.

The final great news: I got a 4.0 in two out of three of my semesters in school. I only have a few classes left before I need to take the NLN (RN program entrance exam), and then I will hopefully get right into the nursing program. Fingers crossed.

A good friend of mine just celebrated her 1-month anniversary since her gastric bypass. Giving her advice and words of support has helped me to focus on my own pouch and I am very happy to be helping. She seems to be having a tougher time with her recovery than I did. Hopefully that just means her honeymoon period is that much sweeter. (Artificial sweetener, of course.)

2010 was the year of my rebirth. 2011 was a test. I hope that 2012 is the reward.

And yet….not a lot has happened since my last hive post.

This is a picture of my arm after only an hour of sun exposure in 75 degree weather.

That line is actually one big hive because I made the mistake of keeping a hair elastic around my wrist for too long.

The prednisone worked as far as controlling my hives, but the side effects are miserable. And when it suppressed my immune system enough, it started to cause other problems with my health. Certainly not a long-term solution. My local allergist ran out of ideas and suggested I go to Mass General in Boston. He said they have a Chronic Uticaria (hives) program, and I could possibly be enrolled in a clinical trial for a new drug to treat my condition.

My mother and I headed to Boston. As luck would have it, I was hive-free that day. It’s like taking the car to the mechanic and it won’t make that grinding noise on-demand. Extremely irritating. But, we came prepared with an iPhone full of pictures and my Mom helped me stay on track as far as timeline. I almost completely forgot to mention the eye-swelling in my first telling of the story. They agreed with my local allergist, that this was textbook Chronic Idiopathic Uticaria, and would probably “just go away” after a while. Infact the doctor described it, verbatim as, “Someday your body will just say, Well, this is stupid. And stop producing so much histimine!”

Great. It will just go away. Probably. Someday.

They ordered a slew of blood tests. About 20. We ruled out HIV/AIDS, Lupus, Thyroid Disease, Cancer, and a bunch of other terrible stuff. I’m extremely thankful that I don’t have any of those terrible conditions, but I wish that we had gained an answer different than “it will probably just go away. Someday.”

About a month after my Mass General appointment, the Fellow assigned to my case basically shrugged at me via email (I was EXTREMELY grateful to be able to just email him back and forth, though) and suggested I seek out the clinical trial over at Brigham and Women’s.

WHAAAAAAAAT???? THAT’S WHY I CAME TO YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!

Turns out I had selectively neglected to ignore it when the doctor told me during my appointment that they couldn’t enroll me in the study. My mother explained later that they had told me this, but I didn’t understand it that way. I understood them to be telling me they couldn’t IMMEDIATELY enroll me. That we would try a more traditional course of treatment first. But I was wrong.

I was more depressed than ever. I called my mother on my way home from work. Sobbing while driving on the highway while being yelled at to pull over.

I eventually pulled into my driveway, and thank goodness for huge sunglasses. My neighbors were all outside and I managed to have a conversation with them without anyone knowing that my eyes were probably dripping mascara and red and very telling of my sad, sad drive. But then something awesome happened! I met new friends/neighbors, we all hung out, played some pool, had some drinks, and had an awesome time.

These hives cannot rule my life.

I needed to take control of my diet to control my weight. I can’t sweat, so I’ll keep cool, dress in layers, and try to wear loose-fitting clothing at all times to prevent hives. If my eye is swollen, I can’t go to work, and I can’t feel guilty about it. It’s okay to hide from the world when I feel like a leper, but when I feel normal, I need to ACT NORMALLY.

At first, I decided to make an appointment at Brigham and Women’s. I was very clear with the representative on the phone that I was ONLY coming in to try to qualify for the clinical study. I did not have any interest in doing a traditional course of treatment unless it was mandatory to get to the trial. She seemed understanding, but she was not a decision-maker. She would just be slapping my name into the schedule. So, I had doubts.

I followed up with the local allergist, mainly to express my displeasure at the fact that I went all the way to the clinic in Boston that he recommended only to find that they would not enroll me in the study. However, he then made a much better referral. Go directly to the pharmaceutical company that sells the drug, and get hooked up with a clinical trial that way.

Brilliant!

I cancelled my appointment with Brigham and Women’s. I had already wasted $300 in medical bills at Mass General, and another $40 on anti-histimines that didn’t seem to help. I didn’t want to waste another dollar on repeating history, and wasting time.

I emailed the folks at Genentech regarding their clinical trials of Xolair.

“Omalizumab (Xolair). This medication is normally given by injection to treat allergic asthma. It may help people who have chronic hives caused by an autoimmune response that haven’t been helped by antihistamines. Only very small studies have been completed, so more clinical trials are needed.”

I feel pretty good about this study. It’s not a brand new drug. It’s already FDA approved for the treatment of asthma, so not incredibly scary, and the side effects are minimal.

A woman from Beth Israel in Brookline, MA emailed me back, and after some correspondence, and general screening questions, I seem eligible for the study. Three out of Four participants get the actual drug and not the placebo, so chances are good. I’ll have to diary via an iPhone type thing twice a day, which shouldn’t be an issue for a techno-nerd like me. And — THEY will pay ME. What a nice change! I am pretty much broke, so even if it just covers the gas it will take me to get to Brookline, I will appreciate it.

They should have received my medical records by now from 2 out of the 3 offices that have significant records of my hives and treatments. (I saw two other doctors, but they basically referred me back out and didn’t do much.) They want me to make a preliminary appointment, but I might avoid doing that if I can. Broke broke broke, no money, broke. So — it is my hope that I can make an appointment for the first Wednesday in December to start the process. I’ll need to go three weeks in a row, the first two for extensive testing, and then the third if I am approved to receive the drug. (OR the placebo. Hoping for the drug though, obviously.)

So — that’s the hive update. A whole lot of no-real-news. I’m far more zen about the whole thing, and it seems to be mostly better than it a couple of months ago. Though, some days are really pretty awful. My eyes have been swelling far more frequently in the last month or two than ever before. I often have hives on my face.

But, what can I do? Not a whole lot, it seems. Gotta keep living life.

]]> https://aslynnwls.wordpress.com/2011/10/09/hive-update/feed/ 0 schmazz photo https://aslynnwls.wordpress.com/2011/10/09/impulse-buy-weight-watchers-online/ https://aslynnwls.wordpress.com/2011/10/09/impulse-buy-weight-watchers-online/#comments Sun, 09 Oct 2011 14:32:03 +0000 schmazz http://aslynnwls.wordpress.com/?p=443 ]]> As most of you know, I’ve gained some weight dealing with this whole hives thing.

And I can’t work out. Any sweating results in immediate and long-lasting super-itchy hives.

So, after hearing a few co-workers raving about Weight Watchers, I joined the online program.

They had a “buy three months and don’t pay the sign-up fee” deal, so on Thursday afternoon I pulled out my credit card, and began tracking my points.

I had eaten more than double my allotted points.

Whoops.

The scale has been cruel to me lately. I got up as high as 206 pounds, 35 lbs more than my lowest recorded weight. I feel like a whale. Nothing fits me right, and I’m ALWAYS hungry. I had tried switching to healthier snacks, loading up on protein and fiber, but nothing was working. Recording calories was just making me feel gross. I could feel my pouch screaming at me. How could I have let it get this bad? Prednisone SUCKS. It started this whole downward spiral. Then I, literally, could not get enough food.

Also, BOREDOM doesn’t help. I can’t go outside in any sort of bright sun/warm weather for very long, before I start to break out into hives. I haven’t had a lot of extra cash lately, so what is there to do that is Free, Not Outside, and Not Eating? Not much, that’s for sure. I’ve been doing a lot of cooking, and trying to give away some of the food to my neighbors. That has been great, but it’s also resulted in my neighbors also giving me food. Really great for the sense of community (I love where I live) but not as awesome for my waistline.

Thankfully, I still have a pretty small pouch, I think. If I could just get some sense of satiety, I wouldn’t have as big of a problem with portion control. I need to do some more reading on how to influence the feeling of satisfaction. Even when my stomach is painfully full, I still want to eat. I don’t feel satisfied. Ever.

So, Weight Watchers.

At first I was extremely unimpressed. Their website doesn’t work on my Ubuntu computer (as I need flash and I’ve been too lazy to install it) and at work it’s really just not very shiny at all. The iPhone app is slightly better, far more user friendly, but still, for almost $20 a month I was expecting more.

The featured recipes so far are NOTHING I want to eat. The success stories sometimes talked about being able to avoid Weight Loss Surgery in such a “God forbid you do such a thing!” sort of way, which was a HUGE turn-off.

The points system is pretty confusing to someone who is only used to counting calories and protein. I do like the idea that you have a daily max, and then basically flex-points to be used on top of your max throughout the rest of the week. Helps you to splurge once in a while, reigning it in with a weekly max, and not feel guilty for failing but not going overboard. However, the points assigned to foods is not always consistent. For instance, a Banana has about 120 calories. A luna protein bar has about 120 calories. A banana is 0 points. A protein bar is 3 points. The rational behind this is that adults don’t eat enough fruits and veggies, so any whole, natural foods end up slightly lower in points. If you’re eating 30 bananas a day, you’re not going to lose weight. But the “Experts” insist that the human element will combat the actual calorie count and that you WILL lose weight if you stick to the program, no matter how many moderately-calorie-packed-zero-point-foods you eat. I have doubts.

(I believe this is Natalie Dee's artwork...www.nataliedee.com)

But, I went to the grocery store. Stocked up on fruits, veggies, chicken, Yasso frozen yogurt (only 2 Weight Watchers points!), and some SmartOnes frozen meals for work lunches.

The first day, Thursday, I used about twice of my daily allotment on trail mix alone. The rest of my day was in compliance, and I didn’t want to start this program totally in the hole, so I deleted the trail mix entry. Not exactly the most honest way to begin the program, but I had consumed all of that food prior to joining, and feeling like a failure on your first day isn’t the right way to start anything.

I am allowed 33 points per day, and then something like 49 points plus (flex-points) throughout the week. Friday I spent 38 points. Nabbad, right? Lots of bananas, raspberries, and apples though. I’m afraid to count up what that day was calorically. But: The program says I’m in compliance. So, onward!

Saturday was 35 points. Bananas, apples, nectarines, zucchini, summer squash, grapes, and chicken broth all made an appearance. Definitely feeling a, erm…change in my digestion at this point. This is way more fiber than my body has had in a long, long time.

So, today (right now, infact…) I’m going to head to the farmers’ market. I need some more berries. I suspect there won’t be any bananas on hand, but certainly some apples. Hopefully some berries. Probably some lettuce mix.

But… it’s working! I think…

Much earlier in the week I was 202 on the scale in the morning. This morning, 197.6. Unfortunately, that’s a pretty normal fluctuation for me. I’ve been floating around 196-200 for weeks now. I’m not going to throw in the towel yet….I already blew the sixty bucks on the program. Might as well stick it out for three months and see what happens. My weigh-in day is Sunday, so I’ll try to check in next weekend and let everyone know where I’m at.

Meanwhile, does anyone have any ideas for no-sweat workouts? The only thing I can think of is swimming, but it’s getting cold and to join a gym with a pool would be REALLY costly, and I’m broke. And all of the water aerobic classes seem to be during housewife hours when I’m at the office. When I try googling, I just end up finding “Get Thin Quick” schemes.

You know, I remember saying to myself “If I lose 120 pounds and gain back 20 pounds….that’s still a win.” and while that MIGHT be true, I basically did just that. I lost 117 pounds and gained back 30. It does NOT feel like a win. And I WILL NOT accept it. I still have faith that there is a brighter, thinner, healthier future for me.

New Goal: 150 pounds. Let’s do it.

Improvised from multiple recipes. The fortune inside is probably a bad idea, but for sure, your future is gonna be SWEET if you make these babies. I used splenda instead of sugar in everything except the glaze.

 Glaze:

• 2 Cups powdered sugar
• 3 tablespoons water
• dash (teaspoon) peanut oil

Mix powdered sugar with water until as smooth as possible. Add teaspoon peanut oil, or more to get desired smoothness.You could use veggie or olive oil if you want.

GLAZE!

Dough:

• 2 tablespoons yeast
• 1 cup hot water
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 3/4 tablespoon salt
• 1 large beaten egg
• 1/4 cup melted butter
• 1/4 cup dry milk
• 3 cups bread flour
• tablespoon cinnamon
• dash nutmeg, allspice, what-have-you

Dump into bread machine in this order. Let yeast and hot water work for 2-5 min for optimal results. Run Dough cycle on machine.

Filling

• 1/2 cup melted butter
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons cinnamon

uh. mix it good.

After all that’s done, grease a cookie sheet and preheat the oven to 350.

rip about a tablespoon of dough, roll into tiny ball, then flatten into a pancake. gentle dab of filling. over-filling will result in a big delicious mess. fold in half like a taco. then take the “Taco”, and gently press it downward over the rim of a glass, turning the mexican into a chinaman. carefully place on cookie sheet.

The best case scenario! Unfortunately, my lack of patience got the better of me.

bake until browned, and then dab glaze on each cookie after they’ve cooled a bit. then eat them with reckless abandon.

….Also, it turns out they won’t look anything like the title unless you have way more time and patience than I do. I think only one of these little guys is going to come out how I envisioned. FAIL. DELICIOUS FAILURE.

The moment when failure was clear.

I think the party will be happy with the results, despite all of the useless effort. I’m certainly happy. Win.

The best case scenario!

The rest of them...

Even the best case scenario was unrecognizable when frosted.

The finished product.

Blueberry is my favorite flavor. (Tied with Raspberry and Strawberry.)

Yasso Frozen Greek Yogurt.

It was EXACTLY what I was haunting the frozen foods section for about 6-10 months ago when I was really struggling to pack in protein.

But I didn’t stumble upon it until about 6-8 weeks ago, on sale, at Big Y.

$3.99 for four bars. 70 calories a piece. 6 grams of protein. How could I POSSIBLY go wrong?

I took home all three flavors.

I’ve been buying three boxes at a time since.

Blueberry. Yummmm.

They’re big, they’re creamy, they’re smooth, and SO delicious. I simply love them. At 70 calories you could easily eat two if the fancy moves you, and not feel guilty because you’ve packed in 12 grams of protein! They don’t taste like that “Greek Yogurt Flavor” that some people complain about when trying Greek Yogurt cups. They’re sweet, but not sickly sweet, and while creamy, they don’t leave behind any residue-feeling like I also feel regular Greek Yogurt can leave.

The Blueberry tastes like blueberries. The Raspberry tastes like raspberries. The Strawberry tastes like strawberries. They’re polling for a new flavor on their facebook page. I’m hoping for Black Cherry.

Smooth. Creamy. Delicious.

Okay, so I don’t think I can recommend these for people before 4-6 months post gastric bypass. They have 15 grams of sugar in them. That’s the same amount in a fruit greek yogurt cup, which is what caused my Dumping Syndrome way back when. However — Greek Yogurt and I are best buds now, especially FROZEN Greek Yogurt from Yasso! Pretty much the highest protein level you can find in a frozen treat.  IF and WHEN your pouch can handle sugar, get a handle on some of these babies. You will not regret it. Yasso = YUM!

(Yes, I did get some free product for this blogpost. I solicited Yasso, not the other way around, because I love their stuff so much. I’m literally buying an average of 6 boxes of these per month. Don’t let a little capitalism on my part defer deliciousness on your part!)

There’s me, in the dressing room of a TJ-Maxx, with a ton of size 8-12 clothes that I tried on. I did end up buying this size 8 dress, and I love it.

However — I can’t wear that right now.

I’ve gained 14 pounds in a month.

Let me tell you why, the best I can remember it. It’s a long story.

Back in April, I was really sick for about a week. I had some sort of virus. They didn’t do any blood testing, as I would most likely get better before the testing came back, and there is nothing they could do about a virus anyway. My fever got up to 104 one day, I was blowing my nose all the time. I had a cough, and hives on my hands and feet. They were not particularly concerned with this. Hives are sometimes a symptom of certain viruses. They gave me instructions to take Benadryl, Tylenol, and take it easy.

The next day, my eyelid was so swollen I could not really see out of it. It’s called angioedema. It happened once before, weeks ago, for no apparent reason. I was miserable, had to go back to the doctor, but couldn’t drive. Most of my local friends were working. A great friend of mine from Boston drove all the way to Connecticut to take me to the doctor. (Thank you, Claire.) The doctors said that it was also probably related to the hives (which had disappeared), and the virus, and I would be fine.

The following day, my eye was normal. No hives. No angioedema. And feeling much better. Back to work soon after.

A couple of weeks later, my eye explodes again. It started on my drive into work. 45 minutes later, it’s basically swollen shut and people cannot stand to look at me. Lots of Benadryl, not much improvement.

Soon after, I’m getting spotty amounts of hives on a regular basis. First on my arms and feet and legs, and later everywhere. By late May, early June, I’m covered in hives on a pretty regular basis. Benadryl doesn’t do anything to touch it. Much of my body would look like this:

Enough was enough. Doctor takes one look at me, and puts me on a mega-dose of Prednisone and refers me to an allergist. They’re already convinced that it’s not environmental or anything I’m eating. It’s been going on too long, moves around my body really quickly, and completely covers me at times. And anyway, before I even went to the doctor, I switched back to all familiar products I’ve used for years. Rewashed all of my clothes and sheets, just in case.

Doctor is starting to use scary words like “Auto-Immune” and “Lupus”, but then ruling that out because my hives don’t stay red when you apply pressure. Therefore, I don’t have vascular lesions. I don’t have joint pain. I have fatigue, but I work and school so much that to be not-fatigued would probably be abnormal. It’s just….chronic hives. They don’t know why. Go home, take the Prednisone and a daily Zyrtec, and see what the allergist says.

It got better. Trouble is, the mega-dose of Prednisone was way too much for me. I was immediately mood-swinging, and miserable. And still itchy some days. It was more than a week until the allergist could see me, and I couldn’t stand to be in my own skin. The drugs seemed to be making it worse, or the hives would be totally non-existent anyway, and the Prednisone made me insane. I was not convinced that this was an “allergy”, and neither were any of the nurses that I work with. They were talking about blood tests, none of which had been done. I stopped taking the Prednisone. I decided it was time for a second opinion. Got in with a new primary care physician closer to where I live and work. Figures — no symptoms. He agrees with everything the first primary care said. Zyrtec, Prednisone, and go see the Allergist. It so happens he knows the allergist I was going to see, and knows that he will also help to rule out auto-immune causes. I hold out hope for 5 more days.

At some point in here, I called my RNY bypass surgeon to see if they have ever heard of this happening with bypass patients. They do some research, no real connection between RNY and auto-immune or allergy development. So, good news fellow WLS bloggers. It probably won’t happen to you.

July 1st – Allergist Day – No symptoms… Freaking figures. But: I have pictures. The allergist listens to everything I say, looks at all the pictures, and nods his head. He asks some simple questions.

Do you get hives along your bra-line and waistband? – Yes.

Do they move quickly all over your body? – Yes.

Do they leave behind marks? – No.

Is there any unexplained bruising? – No. But sometimes I scratch so much/hard, that I bruise.

He nods. He has my diagnosis:

Chronic Idiopathic and Delayed Pressure Related Uticaria with Occasional Associated Angioedema

Sounds impressive, no?

No.

….it doesn’t actually MEAN anything helpful.

It means I have hives. All the time. For no reason. And sometimes for the reason that pressure has been applied on my body. And sometimes my eyeballs swell up. All of this, I already know. And none of it makes me feel any better.

He goes on to explain that for some reason, my body is dumping massive amounts of histamine into my skin and my cutaneous and subcutaneous blood vessels. This was probably brought on by the virus I had in April. Either the virus, or the antibodies I created to fight the virus, might have been the catalyst for this or exacerbated it to this point. Or it could be totally unrelated. The good news? It’s not serious. The bad news? It could totally drive me insane. Because there are no other symptoms, there’s not a whole lot they can do besides pump me full of different cocktails of antihistamines and steroids to try to put out the fire, and then hopefully weaning off all of the medications will result in the Good Ol’ Aslynn being back and hive-free.

It’s not an awesome answer, but he’s the first one who really listened to me, really sounded like he knew what he was talking about, and he gave me a plan.

• 1 Allegra in the morning
• 1-2 Zyrtec at night
• 1 Zantac twice a day
• 20 Mg of Prednisone three times a day, and then wean off slowly after 3 days.

Brilliant. Let’s do it.

If you recall, I said I had no symptoms this day. It was a Friday. I had already been taking 1 Zyrtec a day, so I took two. An hour later, my hands arms totally explode into hives. I am absolutely devastated.

I deduce that perhaps Zyrtec had been the problem the whole time, and I stop taking it. I call the allergist, but he’s not on-call, and I don’t want to tell my whole story to the guy who is. Monday is July 4th, the office is closed. All weekend, I struggle with the hives, but take the rest of the medications as prescribed. At a nurse at work’s suggestion, I use Claritin instead of Zyrtec. Nothing seems to help. Also, I’m in New York for the holiday weekend, and the sun and sweat seem to make everything worse. Here’s a picture after spending just a few hours in the sun at a winery. (Not the same weekend.)

Yes, I had worn sunblock.

We were probably outside for 2 hours. I was under an umbrella. The aloe was because it wasn’t that itchy, and I was afraid it was a sunburn. It wasn’t. Here’s an hour later, after taking some drugs:

Looks fun, right?

So, I call the doctor Tuesday morning. He says it’s definitely NOT the Zyrtec. He says to try 2 Allegra in the morning, throw the Claritin away, and add Zantac twice a day to help with the absorption of the anti-histimines on a molecular level. We up the Prednisone back up again. He tells me to stay the hell out of the sun, the heat, and not to work out. Sweating and heat explode the histimine.

Good news, it works. I’m relatively hive-free most days. Bad news, it’s not 100% and hives are starting to show up ON MY FACE. And my EARS. I cannot describe to you how much it sucks to have hivey-ears. I wanted to rip them off. Meanwhile, if you’re keeping track, I’ve been on Prednisone for a while now, on and off, up and down. And I’m starting to swell. The biggest side-effect of Prednisone, and any corticosteroid, is weight gain through fluid retention and appetite increase. I can tell you, I’m starting to feel both. Thankfully, it was time to wean down the dose.

So, July 7th. 10 MG instead of 20. Not a huge jump, right? Wrong. I totally explode into hives. Now — I’m angry. I’m hungry all the time, I’m still fucking itchy, and my face is REALLY swollen. I go back to the allergist that day, so that he can see. I bring a nurse from the office with me, because they’re all still muttering about the “ridiculous” lack of blood tests. They run through the whole thing together. He maintains the same schtick we went through in my first appointment. She agrees with him, which makes me feel only moderately better. But I’m still feeling desperate. To be swollen and itchy at the same time is pretty much bullshit and I can’t take it. I’ve gained 5 pounds, and it feels like it’s all in my face/cheeks.

New Med Regime:

• 2 Allegra in the morning
• 2 prescription-version Zyrtec (I forget the actual name) at night.
• 20 mg of Prednisone TID for three days, then wean.
• and Zantac, twice a day.

No change. Every time I try to wean off the Prednisone, the hives come back. The prescription version doesn’t seem to change anything. It’s expensive. so we switch back to regular Zyrtec when it runs out. My face breaks out in just a couple of hives pretty much every day. If I’m late with meds, I get itchy. If I’m in the sun or even just in the heat (even in the dark), I get itchy. And because I’m retaining fluid, I’m sweating more easily, which means I’m breaking out in hives on my face more easily. I try to wean a few times, but I’m itchy, swollen, I can feel all of the tissue in my cheeks and my arms and my legs, and my stomach just totally fluid-filled and so very very swollen…. and starting to really feel a significant appetite increase.

Sometime between around 7/14 I do a calorie count because I feel like I am eating non-stop. On average, for the last week or so, I had been eating three times as much as I normally do. And I’m still hungry. All the time. Not only am I suffering through swollen and itchy, but I’m bouncing painfully back and forth between totally starving and absolutely full. I’ve done well with my portion sizes for the most part, so my pouch has stayed relatively small. But I am burning through food like nobody’s business.

Wednesday, July 20th. I call the doctor. We up the meds.

• THREE ALLEGRA IN THE MORNING
• THREE ZYRTEC AT NIGHT
• Zantac twice per day
• and good ol’ Prednisone, back up to 20 Mg, three times a day, then gee by golly we are going to WEAN after three days!

Thursday, I have hives on my face and ears, and I can’t even stand it. The allergist had mentioned the next step would be to refer me to a Chronic Hives program out of Mass General in Boston. They have the ability to prescribe some asthma medications off-label that have proven to assist with chronic hives. Allergist isn’t working again until Monday, and my insurance doesn’t require a referral, so I pick up the phone and make an appointment myself. August 19th. It seems like a lifetime away, but realistically, isn’t that long to wait. My mommy is going to come with me. I will need her to advocate for me, I’m feeling so desperate.

So, here I am on day three, what seems like “Take 207″ of trying to wean off the Prednisone. Almost-no hives since Wednesday. Today I will try 15 mg of Prednisone TID, instead of the 10mg that had been done prior.

All this food and fluid has packed on about 14 pounds. I can’t work out. I can’t stop eating. I had to pull out bigger bras and pants to be comfortable. I can’t even go outside for extended periods of time. It’s so depressing.

I had been dating a lot, and really enjoying it. It’s still absolutely fascinating to notice when a guy is attracted to me. My mind is constantly blown. However, not feeling quite so sexy with these Prednisone-cheeks and my new fancy clothes not fitting very well. (Though, many insist I don’t look nearly as different as I must feel. That might be true, but I feel like shit, so…doesn’t really matter.)

I’m trying so hard to just take this for what it is. A temporary (though terrible) setback. Getting rid of these hives is way more important than fitting into a size 10 pair of jeans. But it is so miserable to be uncontrollably eating SO MUCH and to have taken such a climb on the scale. At first, my resolution was to just take it as a free-pass for a while, without going totally crazy, and sticking to strict portion sizes to maintain the integrity of my pouch. Now, I’m so heavy and uncomfortable that I think I need to go invest in lots of fruits and popcorn and other bulky foods so that I can constantly eat without packing in the calories.

It’s absolutely maddening. I’m angry, and miserable most of the time. This blog post does not have a happy ending. Hopefully I will have a happy update in the future, but for now, life kinda blows.

No makeup in that "after" picture but I still love it.

Well, folks. It’s been a year. 365 days ago, I was laying in a hospital bed complaining about my IV and daydreaming about what the future would look like.

What I would look like.

How it would feel.

One year later, I am 115 pounds lighter.

One. Hundred. And. Fifteen. Pounds.

It feels beyond amazing. Words cannot describe.

I am in shock and consistently in awe of this person I see in the mirror now. But my journey is not over.

I will walk the path of health and all-things-in-moderation,

to the best of my ability,

while living my life to the fullest,

for the rest of my life.

My one-year follow up with the surgeon was pretty uneventful. Dr. H just asked me what I’m eating to get my protein. I confessed I’m getting closer to 50-60 grams, and he confessed that I don’t actually need 84 anymore with how much I’ve shrunk. Honestly, I’m going to stop counting protein grams. I like protein, and I will maintain the “protein-first” lifestyle the majority of the time, but as long as my calories are in line, it’s not that important to me anymore. (I hope I don’t regret that prioritization.)

I’ve mentioned a few times that I can pretty much eat whatever I want now, and portion control isn’t as mandated by my “pouch” as it used to be. So, I must be mindful. And I have the Five Day Pouch Re-Set in my back pocket for whenever the scale might creep back up. I’ve been right around 175-174 for a few weeks, and I’m pretty happy here. Haven’t been to the gym much until this past week, so I think I’ll inch closer to my goal of a size 8 / 150 pounds without much more effort. Signed up for some personal training with a friend of mine, which is certainly making a difference in my muscle tone. I can feel it. I was also doing a LOT of takeout for lunch at work, and just rectified that situation last week with some serious grocery shopping.

Speaking of the gym, I feel as if I must have lost some muscle mass. I’m not feeling as fit or in-shape as I have in the past. It could be just from my long gym hiatus. I’m not that worried about it, just worth noting that I’ve noticed a significant difference in my strength and endurance. I’ve got to try to get back on the Couch 2 5k program. I really want to run. And I’ve got to get back on my bike, haven’t rode since I bought it. Mainly because I was so busy in a show, and still was trying to get rid of that wheeze. But: The show is over, the Wheeze is gone, the excuses are also over and gone.

The show was pretty interesting. I didn’t have to provide my own costume for the first time ever. The dress I wore was a size 8. I didn’t immediately hate all of the pictures that were published. That’s a first.

Yesterday, some retail therapy. Size 12 pants, size medium tops, and another size 8 dress. Absolutely terrifyingly awesome. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking that my belly looked….normal. Sure, there’s a little extra skin. Losing 115 pounds will do that. But, when I don’t “suck it in”….It looks like a normal person’s belly. I remember thinking it looks like my sister’s belly. And my legs last night in the dress I wore….they looked like my sister’s legs. When I stop to think, “THIS IS MY BODY!” it blows my mind. Every time. I can’t believe I’m finally “Average.”

Went and got my hair did. Went blonde-ish. I think I’ll go even lighter when it comes time for a touch-up. Professionally done, I’m surprised how much my eyes pop. And I’ve been tanning, (no skin cancer lectures, please.) so I barely recognize myself at all. This complete transformation, which will never be “complete”, is astonishing. I still feel bragadocious. But, I can’t believe this is who I am.

Eleven Months, and four days. Net Weight Loss: 112 pounds

How Do I Look?

Some of you might have noticed on Facebook that I reported a 113 pound loss. Well, that’s partly true. I got very, very sick and lost 6 pounds in one week, and gained a few back. A couple weeks later, I’ve lost all but 1 of those pounds I gained back, netting me at 112 lost, at 177.4 pounds. Holy crap, right?

Being sick reminded me very much of the 5-Day Pouch Reset that many WLS people talk about. Essentially this diet is intended to shrink your pouch, by abbreviating your post-op diet into 5 days. I was sick and basically on liquids for four days. This undoubtedly “reset” my pouch, whether I liked it or not.

It’s been three weeks since I was sick, and besides having a little wheeze, I still find that my portion sizes have been significantly reduced. I can’t eat sushi rice anymore (again), and bread and pasta are bothering me (again) more than they normally did. For the most part, I can still eat whatever I want as far as variety, but the quantity depends on what I’m eating, and is pretty limited. This is what I consider A Good Thing. I would have to conclude that the 5-day diet must work much the same, and I will certainly be utilizing it in the future. Maybe every six months? Has anyone tried this, or gotten any recommendations on frequency?

Since being sick, and obtaining my fun wheeze, I have not been working out very much. I have no desire to run outside, despite the improving weather, and have not felt up to going to the gym. Instead I have been hiking, in my Vibram KSO’s, and just this past weekend, I bought a mountain bike! Which brings me to a little story:

(Above, basically what my bike looks like)

When I was somewhere between the ages of 12-14, I also owned a purple mountain bike. I liked to ride it around the neighborhood. Somehow, I thought it would be a good idea to join a biking summer group that would be biking and camping around New Hampshire. (Side note: I was a chunky, lazy kid who didn’t like to sweat, but was VERY sporty until about age 13-14) I loved practices, (though my parents would probably tell you that I complained a lot…) we did 1-3 miles per practice. I thought I was more than ready for this trip. We had to rent those side-suitcase things, I forget what they’re called.

The day of the trip: We get on the bikes, and ride for 3.5 miles. My quads, as I know them now, are BURNING. “When are we going to take a BREAK?” I whine from the back of the line, already having been yelled at for walking my bike up a couple of hills. I am informed we have another 3.5 miles to go, and that we’d be doing SEVEN miles at a time. Being a child who was pretty good at math, I deduced that this was MORE THAN TWICE what we had ever practiced, I would surely die on this trip, and I was going home. They wouldn’t allow me to bike home (not sure I could have done that anyway…) and so I had to wait for my parents at a nearby fire station. I don’t remember how much this trip cost, but I remember being EXTREMELY embarrassed and angry with myself.

All that being said, my first bike ride this weekend wasn’t all sunshine and roses. I did about 45 minutes on almost-no hills, and I was very sweaty, my wheeze was fierce, and I am still sore a couple days later. I’m going to stick to it, because unlike running, I LOVE biking outside. More biking updates to come.

With the gym going by the wayside, so has running. I’ll get back to it when I stop wheezing.

On the dating front, I’ve got literally nothing going on. I’ve gone on a couple of first-dates, with perhaps a couple of new friends but no real potential for second dates. Why is it that I seem to have been more successful in the love-department when I was at my heaviest? It makes no sense.

On the body-image front, I am literally in shock. I literally cannot believe that I am now the same size as, if not smaller than people who I considered “commercially” or just generally very attractive . I decided not to post my actual weight on Facebook anymore, just the loss numbers, to avoid making people feel badly about their own situations. I’ll probably still post my pants/dress size though because I don’t want to stop my self-celebration, but I feel like I’m bragging. I also feel like I absolutely talk about it too much, all the time, and I can’t stop myself. It’s like I’m in shock. I can’t really even believe what I look like, and how small I am. (See, and I feel like I’m bragging again.) I just want to believe it.

It’s hard, since during these last eleven months I haven’t had my weight stable for any more than three weeks. I haven’t had any time to adjust to who I am physically, because I haven’t BEEN who I am physically for more than a month. And I don’t think the transformation has completed. I plan on picking physical training back up, with a good friend of mine who I know will whip me into the best shape I can possibly be. I’m going to keep running on the treadmill, and get on the bike as much as possible this summer. (all this while working 50 hours a week, doing theater, and college half-time. no wonder I’m single?)

Have any of my WLS buddies felt the same way about being self-obsessed? I want to stop talking about it, I do, but I feel like EVERYTHING in my life comes back to surgery, and weight loss. And I’m so overjoyed I can’t contain it. I’m an over-sharer anyway, for the most part, and this has made it incredibly difficult to self-censor and try to come off like a normal human being. I’m considering seeking psych assistance. Thoughts???

Overall, I’m SO HAPPY. So, so, so happy. I hope that I can find someone to share my happiness with soon.

At the gym, I don’t take my appearance into much consideration. Usually I’ll wear a tank top wifebeater type shirt, and black capri sweats. And my goofy looking Vibram shoes. After “running” (aka jogging), I’m incredibly sweaty, red faced, and if I was wearing makeup, chances are it’s all gone now. This is the worst I could possibly look without trying, or being ill. Certainly the worst I’d allow myself to look in public. And yet — dudes are looking at me and smiling! I’m surrounded by REALLY fit women, and I’m still getting attention.

… Or am I?

My initial reaction was that certainly, I am being hit on. However, after much afterthought, could it be that this is just how “normal” people interact with each other on a regular basis,  often with no flirtatious intent? This STILL didn’t happen to me before, when I was 100 pounds heavier. Am I just now accepted into the normal-people-working-out club where we greet each other with open glances and smiles? Were people avoiding eye-contact when I was fat-girl-working-out, the minority at the gym? Or am I just noticing smiles that were already there because  now I am confident, unafraid of eye contact?

I’m going to choose to believe that guys are hitting on me now, because that’s the friendlier reality to decide on, if a little arrogant. ;)